The “Date Night” Myth

by admin on March 27, 2014

Date Night MythWe’ve all heard for years that “date nights” are the magic bullet for busy working couples to re-fuel their relationships. Maybe not.

While there is no doubt that breaking the routine and getting out for a fun time together can be a healthy thing for a marriage, relying on this type of one-size-fits-all solution can backfire without some additional thought and reflection.

The traditional thinking goes something like “since we spend most of our time working hard and focused on running the business, let’s take a step outside of that routine and do something different — to focus on each other and invest in our relationship.”

The problem is that each of us has a different need — and measure — for feeling a true sense of love and appreciation from our spouse.  Assuming that need will be fulfilled by enjoying a meal together or going out to a movie is both short-sighted and just plain wrong.

It’s not that enjoying a wonderful meal together or doing something special as a couple is wrong. It’s simply a mistake to think “date nights” are a sufficient substitute for showing your spouse how much you love and appreciate him/her — in the specific and unique way that he/she needs to “hear” that message.

Just like each of us has a unique set of personality preferences, and a unique set of talent themes, we also have a unique “love language” that determines how we need our spouse to express their love and appreciation to us. This is explained more fully in Gary Chapman’s excellent book The 5 Love Languages.

The problem is that most of us typically express love toward our spouse in the way that seems most natural to us — not necessarily using the love language he/she needs it expressed to feel loved and appreciated.

So, going out for a date may be interpreted as loving and affirming if your spouse’s love language  is spending “quality time together.”  However, if his/her love language is “acts of service” or “words of affirmation” — and you aren’t regularly fulfilling those very specific needs — your date night activities may simply be seen as distractions from what he/she truly desires most from you.

The main point is to be intentional in your attempts to fuel your relationship — based on your individual needs and preferences — rather than simply jumping on the “date night” bandwagon and wondering why you both are left feeling unfulfilled by the experience.

To the success of your marriage and your business,

~ David & Debby

David & Debby Pierpoint

David Pierpoint / Strategic, Futuristic, Intellection, Learner, Deliberative
Debby Pierpoint / Harmony, Developer, Empathy, Responsibility, Consistency

 

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